Only if…

I try and not look back at the mistakes I’ve made along the way. I think I gain some insight from it, but as a forward-looking person, I try to forget what had happened then. But this one incident keeps coming back to haunt me. It wasn’t a life-changing incident by any means, but in a very subtle way I realized what I really wanted. I trusted my instinct.

There it was, the block painting, staring at me – waiting to be sold. A work of art, drawn by her tender hands, and illuminating creativity. I can still feel what I felt then – the intense desire to buy it. I guess, we were friends then, albeit “chat friends.” But the moment I saw that painting, a subtle realization of my love for her creped in. I ignored, wistfully.

I wanted to own her creation; the painting wasn’t meant for me, nor it was meant for anyone else (I hope). But it felt like it was destined to be mine; the desire to make something that belonged to her my own was intense – an emotion so strong that I can still feel it.

But then, I did nothing. I didn’t have money to buy it, but I know that I could have pulled some strings. A decision, to this day, some 8 years later, still haunts me. I keep on going back to that day, regretting not buying it. And I look at the empty wall in my room and I wonder how beautiful the painting would have looked hanging there.

Only if I could change that decision……only if….

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